I must be really tired. I'm all depressed and moody. I'm never this way... Anyway, on the upside, I'm finding some awesome songs, like this one. It's called Porcelain by a band called Cauterize, who broke up. Even though I learned it so far after the fact, it kinda made me said, they made good music.
All I'm doing nowadays is whining because my life isn't going the way I want it to. I'm being self-centered and arrogant. "She must be with me because I am so much better then him."
Doesn't matter what you think, my gigantic friend, she's calling the shots here. You can whine about it in your blog, where she'll most likely read it, and feel bad for making you feel this way. Doesn't matter how you feel, or what you think, or even what you do, her Facebook page still has his face on it, his hands still hold her heart, however unqualified YOU think they might be, and YOU get to sit and whine about how pathetic you are. He gets the most amazing girl in the world, she gets return on her emotional investment. It's win-win. When all you've ever done is lose, another loss should be par for the course.
But it's not. I can't just give up on her. She's my everything. I define myself by what she thinks of me. I just happened to lose the greatest cosmic lottery of all time, and she loved him first... I can't compete. I met her once, it's been less then 36 hours, and I still miss her. And I know she'll read this, and she'll be sad because she's playing havoc with my heart. I am nothing but a drain on her. Maybe I should just leave her alone... that'd solve all of her problems. Maybe not mine, but hey, she's the one that matters.
Loving someone hurts you both eventually.
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