Chuck Norris Jokes

Me and some friends were in the announcers booth at the Little League Football game running the scoreboard and we got bored and started throwing Chuck Norris Jokes around, so here are some of the more memorable ones.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris can run Windows 7 on his Etch-a-Sketch.
They tried to invent a Chuck Norris toilet paper, it failed. It wouldn't take shit from NOBODY.
Chuck Norris deleted his Recycle Bin.
Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chcuk Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stares his grass down and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down till he gets the information he needs.
Chuck Norris got mad at a horse and punched it in the jaw. Its decendants are known now as giraffes.
A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs. They were wiped out by the Chuck Norrisaurus.
Do you know what ghosts are? When Chuck Norris kills somebody too fast for Death to comprehend.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. There is just another fist.
Jesus may have walked on water, but Chuck Norris swam through land.


More coming later.

STITPSKAM pt 2

I'm in love
Not naming names
I get depressed quite often
Even though people would describe me as happy go lucky
I need a style change
but I'm too fat to pull anything off
I need to lose weight.
Like that's gonna ever happen
I hate people
but they keep me amused
Curse your sudden, but inevitable, betrayal.
I would die without the internet
I am THE Guitar Hero
I am emo sometimes
I sometimes don't think life is worth it
but then I realize I am not a Christian
I have one shot.
Better make the best of it.
TBC...

Life update

Lol you know I'm a cynic, so let's get it over with. I am depressed right now. Two girls are on a cycle in my mind. I love them both, but one isn't mine anymore, and one of them never was. I went to a dance yesterday. I promised (I'm not naming names, so we will call her GirlX) GirlX that I would save her a dance, and I did. I sat on the wall and almost cryed because I couldn't call and tell her I loved her. The second girl, we will name her GirlY, was there, but she was with her boyfriend, and she said she would dance with me but never did. She was so beautiful that night, but I couldn't mention it. GirlX won't get off my mind, and I haven't managed to take most of my heart back from her. GirlY won't get off my mind either, and I wish she would take what little is left of me so I can say I love her and mean it the way I want to. I almost prayed last night. ME, the staunchest agnostic atheist you are likely to meet, was in so much mental and emotional pain, I almost prayed. I almost asked Whoever Was Up There to either let me have GirlX back, or let GirlY see how much I really mean what I say. Love irks me.