Life update

Lol you know I'm a cynic, so let's get it over with. I am depressed right now. Two girls are on a cycle in my mind. I love them both, but one isn't mine anymore, and one of them never was. I went to a dance yesterday. I promised (I'm not naming names, so we will call her GirlX) GirlX that I would save her a dance, and I did. I sat on the wall and almost cryed because I couldn't call and tell her I loved her. The second girl, we will name her GirlY, was there, but she was with her boyfriend, and she said she would dance with me but never did. She was so beautiful that night, but I couldn't mention it. GirlX won't get off my mind, and I haven't managed to take most of my heart back from her. GirlY won't get off my mind either, and I wish she would take what little is left of me so I can say I love her and mean it the way I want to. I almost prayed last night. ME, the staunchest agnostic atheist you are likely to meet, was in so much mental and emotional pain, I almost prayed. I almost asked Whoever Was Up There to either let me have GirlX back, or let GirlY see how much I really mean what I say. Love irks me.