Ok, over the last little while, I have been coming to terms with the fact that the girl I love is now OFFICIALLY in a relationship with someone, who just so happens to not be me. I think I have managed to fit it into my head that there is now this new wall. And I mean, it's everything she wants, so I, wanting her to have nothing less then everything, must be some semblance of happy for her, and I am. I could not be any happier for anybody then I am for her at this point in time. But that happiness is tempered with the desire to continue HER happiness, however I can. That starts with me. I am, I think, her biggest obstacle in continuing this relationship with the other guy. So I have been trying to figure out how to still be able to talk to her as just a very good friend.
I have yet to figure out how.
I mean, I love her. I do. But I obviously can't say it to her anymore, because she has someone else to do that now. I can't plan for any future with her, because now my chances of even BEING in that future just dropped dramatically. I mean, she was, still is, really, my everything. But what can I do? I have managed, again, to end up in a position that causes most everyone involved some sort of pain, and I have no one to blame, but myself. I have managed, without meaning to, become nothing but a hinderance to myself and the ones I care about.
How do I get myself into this? Love bites.
Don't you dare blame yourself, Brandon. You're the victim here, and I'm the raging asshole who's been playing with your feelings for so long. Okay, not playing with them, because I returned/return those feelings, but you know what I mean. You've done absolutely nothing wrong and you've helped me through some very difficult situations. You should be angry at me, not yourself.
ReplyDeleteI can't be angry at you though... I tried. YOU'VE done nothing wrong. I can NOT expect you to do anything other then you did. I'm just... Not adjusting well. It's not your fault.
ReplyDelete*hug* I'm so sorry, Brandon.
ReplyDeleteFor what? You've explained how you feel, and I understand. Just because I don't like it, is no reason to drag you down with me. And besides, if things ever go south for you two, my chances go up. XD
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