A Couple Hours

Once in a while
I like to think
I'll never think of her again.

But then I do.
And I can't stop.

I'll think of what was, and what could have been.
I'll sit for a couple hours.

Not sad, really, nor in pain.
Just thoughts.
I'm perfectly happy with myself, and with the love of my life.

But, once in a while, I'll think of what was, and what could have been.
This could be a couple hours.

I know she'll just make my love jealous.
It's why I haven't tried to contact her in so long.
She's an awesome person.
I wouldn't mind being her friend again.
But my love would mind.
She doesn't believe old loves can be just friends again.
I'm not sure if I do either.

I have every means of reaching out.
But I feel like I'm lying if I try.
Hell, this took me 20 minutes to decide to write.

I'm stuck thinking of what was, and what could have been.
It's been a couple hours.

I absently wonder if she thinks about me, too.
If she is just wanting to keep me out for her love's sake
Like I am.
If she wants to try being friends again
But knowing it might not work.

Once I log off, I'll shove her out of my mind again.
Go on being happy and ok with my life, love, and self.
Like I have been.

But I know I'll think of her again.
And won't be able to stop.

I'll think of what was, and could have been.
I'll spend a couple hours.

A couple hours too long.